This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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