weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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