Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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