Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
