I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
