woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
