You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
