Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
