You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
