Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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