Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
