i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im holly from the hills drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
