You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
