i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
