Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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