First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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