i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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