Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
