I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
