Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
