the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
