I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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