I'm so fucking centered right now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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