upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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