I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
