you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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