I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
