Can Purell be used as lube?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
