You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
