walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
