U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
