My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
