Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
