I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
