I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
