im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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