I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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