I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
