Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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