Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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