I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
