i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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