just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
