His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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