Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
