That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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