My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
