drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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