so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
