he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
