Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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