Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
